THINGS TO CHECK OUT IN ATLANTA THIS WEEKEND

I'm so excited about this weekend, I can barely contain myself. This is promising to be an exciting weekend given the obvious as well as our recent site change and the national exposure that we and the game itself is/are getting. Just the other day I was watching ESPN and saw the commercial for the game this week and went crazy as it was centered around Howard's Rock. You can check it out here. The new College Game Day site is up and running which you can also see. The videos on the site are a bit heavy handed with Bama's balls but still, it's looking good.

There are still a lot of Clemson fans that don't know their way around Atlanta. Given that some of my family is from Atlanta and that Chili lived there for a short time, we're here to provide some helpful hints and ideas to fill time for you folks unfamiliar with the area. First of all, you probably want to check out the Clemson Athletic Department's tips to avoid traffic due to massive road construction downtown and in the surrounding areas. Seriously, I've been there a few times this summer and it is hell. Don't just go gallivanting around without a plan thinking that you are gonna be okay. Once you get downtown, stay there or take a cab where ever you go. MARTA is acceptable during the daytime, just don't forget to bring your shiv as things like this can occur:

I'm pressin' charges!(nsfw, kinda)

I've provided links to some cool things that might interest a few of you taking the trip to Atlanta. And if you can't make it to Atlanta, you can spend your time doing some online sports betting. These are loosely based around my own itinerary and are labeled with the days of the weekend as those would be the be the best days to visit said establishments.

Friday

- For you high society folk, I suggest checking out Kevin Rathbun's steakhouse and restaurant as well as the Krog Bar next door. The restaurant is top notch and the Krog Bar is a hole in the wall also owned by Rathbun that serves wines, salted meats, and cheeses while you wait to be seated at the restaurant.

- For you folks staying outside of the city (the side closer to SC) and want to keep it quiet the night before the big day, I suggest you check out the Movie Tavern. Great films, great service, and unbelievable prices. It's got pretty good food as well as decent prices. I know that the things I paid for there I would have to pay a lot more at any other movie theater. Oh, and they serve booze. And food. Like real food, not just the ballpark or movie theater kind.

- Lastly, is the Brickstore Pub. For you inexperienced or redneck palatted beer drinkers (I'm looking at you, Tiger SACK), stay away. But for those of you that enjoy testing your livers and putting down some good, high gravity, Bavarian beers look no further than this place. It's dark, it's cozy, and I promise you that this place will deliver. Just watch your intake. I'll probably be checking this place out. Not that far from downtown either. Just a brief cab ride.

Saturday

- Essentially, I've heard that College Game Day will be broadcasting from Olympic Park in the heart of the city. Good thing for me as it's only a few short blocks away from my hotel. I'm pretty much dedicating my entire Saturday morning to gameday. I've been corresponding with a guy that works for ESPN, so, hopefully something cool pans out for me.

- Afterwards, most Clemson fans in the know will probably head to Stats Sports Bar & Grill, just a few blocks further from Olympic Park. Here is the physical contact info you'll need, but asking where it is will probably suffice. That place was rocking for not only last year's Tech game but the Peach Bowl as well. They have tables there with kegs in them. Cmon! That's freaking awesome!

- I'm sure there will be some sort of big-to-do with the ESPNZone in Buckhead given the heavy presence of the big red network in the metro area. The place itself is pretty cool and the last time I went I had a decent burger, but it's so far out of the way that I wouldn't worry about it unless you're staying in Buckhead.

Sunday

- Ok, I know this sounds like a bad idea, but I'm throwing it out there anyway. Six Flags Over Georgia. Yes it's labor day weekend but it's still fun and the park will definitely be open on Sunday. Here's a helpful link to navigate around.

- There's also always the Georgia Aquarium and the World of Coke, but I'm assuming those will be just as packed as Six Flags would be. You could always check out the big Bass Pro Shop in Lawrenceville on the way back home for you South Carolinians.

Lastly, don't forget that on Monday, September 1st, Chik-Fil-A will be giving out a free three piece chicken strip meal to anyone wearing ANY football logo... be it college, pro, high school, pee wee, whatever. Check that out. I plan on going to the five nearest to me and making a day trip out if it. Why not.

FIVE MORE DAYS.

Word on the street is some new concoction for uniforms.

RARE EBAY OPPORTUNITY

If you're mulling over the pages of eBay and happen to be checking out South Carolina Gamecock souvenirs and apparel, you might find the following: RARE GAMECOCK "BOWL BOUND" COOZIE!!!

Yes, this is an actual coozie.

The description reads:

"Tired of staying at home for the holidays? What a great way to spend it by drowning your sorrows in alcohol because your team went from #6 in the AP poll to 6 - 6 and without a bowl bid at the end of the year! And what's more perfect to keep your drink cold than an ironic coozie that was made just a little too soon? What makes it better is that this coozie is as rare as the Gamecock's postseason appearances (13 overall, 4-9-0 record). Seeing as the Gamecocks have a 521-523-44 (.479 winning percentage) record in their storied 116 years of football, you're going to have to drink to watch them play so why not keep it cold?"

I can't wait until someone actually bids on this item. Check the seller name. Yeah, I did it. No, I'm not sorry. Why did I kick someone while they were down? They'd do the same to us.

THURSDAY NEWS

- Rendrick Taylor redshirting his senior season has become a reality. Personally, I think this is just another example of how Rendrick is a stand up guy and we could use his leadership next year. I just hope all of this works out for him in the end. I've enjoyed watching him play and hope this is the right decision in the end.

- Jerry Buck Inman, the excuse for a human being that murdered Clemson student Tiffany Souers, has plead guilty and wishes to be executed for his crime. Personally, I think this guy deserves to suffer the worst imaginable punishments but unfortunately because of how America is set up he will never get his probably. This is a tough subject and it still gets to me, I just hope a little bit of justice, hope, and awareness can come from this.

- It seemed that Shawn Crawford was the only one that could beat Usain Bolt in the 200m, but the field was blown away by Bolt in a feat of athleticism that the world has probably never seen before. This guy is beyond sick. He got beat and came in fourth but because second and third place were DQ'ed for lane violations, Crawford and FSU Alum Walter Dix brought home Filver and Bronze respectively.

Usain Bolt wins the 200m (sorry for quality).

- 2 Columbia policemen were suspended after arresting a football player back in March. As you remember, Eddie Floyd, a member of the USC board of trustees, whined and complained that cops were targeting the football players in Columbia. Any connection? I don't know but the player in question was resisting arrest and when a guy that big is giving me shit he's gonna get the bull tazer, no questions asked. The officers submitted a plee of not guilty.

SEASON PREVIEW

Personally, I think paprika's gonna be damned hard to beat.

THE SCHEDULE

8/30 - vs. Alabama (Georgia Dome)
9/06 - vs. The Citadel
9/13 - vs. NC State
9/20 - vs. SC State
9/27 - vs. Maryland
10/09 - @ Wake Forest (Thursday)
10/18 - vs. Georgia Tech
11/1 - @ Boston College (DFIG road trip)
11/08 - @ FSU (DFIG roadtrip)
11/15 - Duke
11/22 - @ UVA
11/29 - vs. Sakerlina

SUMMARY

Cullen Harper is in fantastic form this preseason and has an excellent cadre of backups behind him (WILLY KORNNNNNNNN) in case something was to happen to him. Our backfield is arguably the best in the nation with CJ Spiller and James Davis backed up by star freshmen Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper. Aaron Kelly leads a good receiver corps that includes Xavier Dye, Jacoby Ford, Tyler Grisham, and heralded frosh Marquan Jones. The offensive line has been described politely as “talented but inexperienced” and has been the topic of much discussion. Our season largely hinges on how well they perform this year (NEWSFLASH!) and stout run defenses could cause similar problems to some of last year’s shitty rushing performances (see: GT). The starting five look to be Chris Hairston at left tackle, Cory Lambert at right tackle, Jamarcus Grant and Barry Humphries as the guards, and returning starter Thomas Austin at center. If the OL stays healthy, the offense should be among the most productive in the nation (outside of those gimmick ass Texas Tech bastards).

Defensively, safety Michael Hamlin and DE Ricky Sapp anchor a defense that lost its top four linebackers from last year. Daquan Bowers, the #1 ranked recruit in the country according to ESPN, has proven explosive in practice thus far and is fighting for a starting spot. Stanley Hunter, Brandon Maye, and Josh Miller are currently battling for the middle linebacker spot. Defensive coordinator Vic Keonning has expressed some reservations about his defensive unit (LOL, unit), but he’s rarely been overly positive in describing his squad in preseason.

Dawson Zimmerman is believed to be the leading candidate for starting punter after separating himself from the pack during scrimmages. We don’t have much to say about our special teams, other than they’ll probably continue to be average.

Whoop whoop.

CHILI: Mainstream perception of Clemson this year is generally positive, if not a little misinformed. Admittedly we here at DFIG are perhaps too biased to judge whether another outlet is objective or not, but we try to keep a level head about us (thanks for the advice, Kipling) and not look at everything through orange colored glasses. Bowden has certainly had a rollercoaster ride of a tenure at Clemson, but I think that recruiting and facilities are finally starting to overcome some of the deficiencies we've faced in the past. I don't think it's fair for the punditry to say that Clemson ALWAYS shits the bed. Speaking of media, some asshat from the NFL Network predicted Wake Forest to win the division and backed it up by trying to rattle off all the talent they have at various positions. There is no team in the league with the level of talent Clemson boasts this year. Period. See what I did there? I typed out the word "period" to emphasize how super fucking serious I am. Whammy. There? I lightened the mood with some onomatopoeia.

Of course Clemson can catch their proverbial nutsack on the unforgiving 10 penny nail of failure, but I think that any losses the Tigers will incur this year will be in some of the tougher road games. Legitimate losses, if you will. All the puzzle paces are in place for this to be a very special season for Clemson. I normally tend to be a realist, but I can't help but be a little optimistic about the upcoming season.

PREDICTION: 10-2 regular season + ACCCG victory over VT, loss in BCS game. Man, this is way too fucking optimistic for me. My only caveat is that obviously the OL is flimsy with some injuries, so beware of that. I can see us losing to Bama, Wake, FSU, and/or BC. Sakerlina could be a loss, depending on how they improve over the season. Certainly their defense will be disgustingly good, but the offense looks to again be a bunch of limpdicks.

In conclusion, scuppernongs are tasty and don't ever try to snort BC powder. Just don't do it. *points at you and winks* Also, I don't buy the UNC as dark horse ACC champion thing for one fucking minute. Butchie's gonna need more than a year to turn that ship around that much.

WILLY MAC: Stage door left blasts open and slams against the wall as the hinge breaks. A hearty and ear piercing metal-slamming sound reverberates in the auditorium. The door begins to sway closed as a foot barely manages to block it open at the last second creating a sack-of-potatoes-thud. Willy Mac drags a very basic steel soap box across the floor to center stage making not only terrible screeching noises, but pausing every so often for you to hear him gasp for breath in a half "way-to-excited-about-this-season", half needs to get his fat ass on a treadmill sort of fashion. Finally, the unnecessary noises ceases as he brings the box to a dead halt at center stage. Willy Mac steps up onto the box, clears his throat, and proceeds in his best possible "Resident of Honea Path" accent:

WE GON WIN IT. WE GON WIN IT ALL. ALL DEH WAY BABY. TAKE AT SHYIT TO DUH BANK! OH YOU KNOW IT, SON! HELL, I'D PUT MY DOG AND ALL FOUR TIRES OFF MY TRUCK ON THIS BEYAT. CLAMPSON OVER JEEYORJUH IN DEH BEE-CEE-EYASS DIS YERR!

On a serious note, I worried myself to death starting in July about the coming season. Then all of a sudden, last week I became extremely comfortable and confident. I can't tell at this point whether all the sunshine blown up my ass has gotten to me, or if I can trust my instinct. I'd say its about 20% sunshine at this point, but who knows. As Chili stated, we've got some glaring holes, and if the injury bug from 2006 comes around we might be screwed. Really, I trust Vic Koenning to take care of the linebackers and I trust Brad Scott to take care of the line. I feel we finally have enough talent to overcome inexperience. Also, I feel that the whole Bowden fight policy put me in a good mood as well. It was pretty obvious that as of the VT game last year, we were as fake as a bad horror film as well as unbearable to watch. We'll do fine, I promise. Woooooosssahhh. Goose-frabas.

PREDICTION: An 11-2 season is most probable as well with a win over UNC (Yeah, I said it, let's see what happens. VT is not lookin hot right now) in the ACCCG and a BCS win over either Louisville or a BCS loss to WV. Either way, we lose two games later in the season, not earlier. We've got too much talent. Also, if we lose to BC, you can count on me getting time traveling drunk, pants optional.

You see that? That's right, the glory days are back.

BOWDEN LIKES TO WATCH A GOOD FIGHT

I mean, I don't hate him, but I don't love him. But when he makes policies on in-practice fights that condones the act, it's hard not to like that aspect of his approach to coaching.

Bowden in fighting in practice:

"Everybody's got a different philosophy. Coming from a family of brothers, we fought a lot, and I love my brothers. These guys are family and they fight, so it doesn't bother me too much when they fight... heat of battle, two-a-days, that's the enemy right now for the next two weeks. I talked to those guys hard about not hitting each other in the head, especially if they lose their helmet. If the helmet comes off, instead of hitting them in the head, we asked them to just choke them. That way we figured we could get 'em off before they killed 'em."

- So far, two people with broken hands via fighting: Jamie Cumbie & Brandon Thompson. Cumbie is still performing and playing even with hand and should be the expected starter for the Bama game. I think it's great because I think it promotes nastiness... something we've found that we didn't have around the time of the Virginia Tech game last year.

Laslty, it's almost back...15 more days...

BRIEF MONDAY NIGHT NEWSAMANIA

- Over the weekend Clemson picked up three star linebacker Corico Hawkins out of Milledgeville, Georgia. Apparently to those in the know, although he is only a three star Hawkins is really nasty and a very physical player that could definitely help bolster the Clemson defense for years to come.

- Former Clemson Track athlete and Olympic gold medalist Shawn Crawford and current Tiger Track member Travis Padgett are competing for the United States in the 200m and 4x100m relay, respectively. Crawford will start on Monday morning, August 18th and Padgett will see action on Thursday night, August 21st as per the Beijing Track schedule (I have no idea if these times are Chinese time or American time, so, go figure.)

- Rashaad Jackson is out with a torn quad tendon as via the ESPN article written by Heather Dinnich (who is becoming hotter the more I read her articles). The good news is that he is going to be replaced mostly by Jamie Cumbie who came to Clemson as someone who didn't even look like he was on the team to entering fall camp as a ten foot tall beast man who enjoyed mushing Kenneth Page's face in a practice fight that occurred a few days ago (Page cut block Cumbie, so, another freshman lives and learns.)

- Clemson had a scrimmage this past Saturday, read more here. On a lighter note, I had a buddy who was actually listening through Dan Scott's show the other morning, discussing the speed rating of Willy Korn on NCAA Football 09 with a listener. Apparently the caller was upset that Korn only had a 74 speed rating in the game. He felt that Korn would be better suited as a 76. Did this really happen? Seriously? Is this how bad it has gotten? Even more so, two freakin points?!?!?!? If you ever feel the urge to listen to that station, let me save you some time:

Host: Go ahead caller, you're on 104.9 THE DRIVE!

Caller: Welp, let's talk about the upcoming season for [Clemson/Carolina].

Host: Well, the offense looks great, but the could be better. The defense is stout but it still needs improvement. Overall, you're looking at either a national championship contender or a dreary sub .500 season.

Caller: Well, how can ya tell there buddy?

Host: During the scrimmages and practice, the offense and defense have looked evenly matched but have shown FLASHES OF BRILLIANCE! THEY'RE GREAT! I LOVE THEIR CHANCES AND YOU SHOULD TOO!

Caller: Welp, thank ye there pal.

Host: Next caller, you're on 104.9 THE DRIVE!

Caller: Welp, let's talk about the upcoming season for [Clemson/Carolina].

[Repeat, ad nauseam]

- Lastly, even though I'm not voting for him, it's still pretty damn funny. Enjoy:



Personally, I'm voting for Robot Nixon. I LOVE HIS CHANCES AND YOU SHOULD TOO!

THURSDAY NEWSERCISE

Emily Stewart '07.... any wonder why we're so happy?

Clemson tops this year's list of "Top 10 Schools with the Happiest Students" in the recent Princeton Review. So, we've got that goin' for us. The campus will certainly be a lot happier if the football team can meet expectations. The Anderson Independent Mail has it covered.





The Astro III in downtown Clemson is closing today. Carmike Cinemas informed staff at the Clemson landmark just 4 days ago that they would close. For those not familiar with the Astro, it’s a small 30 year old theater that shows second-run movies for $2.50 a pop and is a relief to cash strapped students. There is a Facebook group to save the Astro III that has already attracted thousands of supporters. The likelihood of saving the Astro is not high; Carmike is strapped for cash and the theater sits on a valuable piece of land. This is a sad case of another unique Clemson landmark being swept away for some mass market chain bullshit, or a sub shop, or another block of condos from Tom fuckin' Winkopp. I remember going to the Astro with Sambo to go see that godawful movie Phone Booth with a coatfull of beers in the middle of the summer. We paid in rolls of pennies. Good times.


PRACTICE NOTES

Will Vandervort has an interesting article on Aaron Kelly and his consistency. I was extremely impressed at how he was able to bounce back from a devastating dropped ball against BC to help the Tigers drive down the field for the victory in Williams-Brice the very next game.

Also from that article - kicking is so bad that Bowden has declared the field goal and punting duties open for the taking. PUT IN WILLY KORNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! HE MAKES LOU GROZA ANDTHE GARBAGE PICKING FIELD GOAL KICKING PHILADELPHIA PHENOMENON LOOK LIKE LITTLE GIRLS. BEAUTIFUL, STRONG LEGGED LITTLE GIRLS. Anyway, kicking and special teams have been sub par for a number of years and this is no indication of improvement.

Corey Lambert seems to be developing into team leader. He came into Clemson with extremely high expectations placed on him as is want to happen to highly recruited in-state athletes who stay in-state. He’s taking his time, and using what he learned from Barry Richardson to help lead the inexperienced line corps.His leadership is desperately needed.


INJURIES

WRs Jacoby Ford and Xavier Dye, TE Michael Palmer, and OT David Smith have all missed some practice due to minor injuries. Ford with a sprained ankle, Dye with a bruised shoulder, Palmer with a pulled hamstring, and Smith with a dislocated toe.


MORE RATIONAL DISCOURSE FROM COLUMBIA

Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain has the scoop on the senile old Sakerlina trustee who thinks all campus cops are out to get their fine, upstanding football players. It must be a conspiracy by cops with "tiger paws in [their] office."


IN OTHER NEWS

The greatest headline ever.


NBC THINKS WE'RE THE JAMS

NBC Sports has their preseason top 25 out today. Clemson is ranked #3, behind Georgia and Ohio State. The only people who rank Clemson higher are probably Clemson fans. Take it with a grain of salt, people.

COACHES' POLL RANKINGS RELEASED

The preseason USA Today Coaches' Poll was released today; Georgia tops the list while Clemson ranks in at number 9. Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. We reprint the top 10 below, for the whole 25, go here.

1. Georgia
2. Southern Cal
3. Ohio State
4. Oklahoma
5. Florida
6. LSU
7. Missouri
8. West Virginia
9. Clemson
10. Texas

Other ACC teams in the top 25 are Virginia Tech at 15th and Wake Forest at the 23rd spot. Alabama is just out of the poll in the 26th spot.

UNDAUNTED COURAGE: THE SEMI-FICTICIOUS EPIC THAT IS PETER LALICH'S LIFE

Peter Lalich is a man among men. A mountain bear of a man with a football as a chew toy and a neolithic stone arm from outer space. But no, Lalich wasn't just born into greatness. He had to hit the baptismal fire of life head on in a crazy windmill fashion that only he could pull off with awkward smoothness. Perhaps you have already seen his AMAZING WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. If you haven't seen it, this is unacceptable. Fortunately, I'm here to not only provide you with a link to the article but to also to fill in the gaps that were left out. This is the amazing (semi) true story of one Master Peter Lalich navigated by yours truly with the assistance of a few facebook pictures (thank you public domain laws!)...

Peter Lalich: Harder than galvanized steel... forged in Springfield, Virginia

Young Peter was born on May 18th, 1988 to... uh... Peter Lalich who then subsequently... uh, named his son... Peter... after "Pistol" Pete Maravich. Ipso facto, Peter Lalich is a reincarnation of Pete Maravich but with a penchant for football, not basketball. He then grew up and did some rather insignificant stuff until the day he picked up his first football and threw it into the next neighborhood. Unfortunately for Peter, athleticism can't buy you friends at such an early age and he remained in a secluded sect of youngsters that is usually dominated by tall, goofy kids that nervously interact as little as possible with peers. Life was hard for Peter in Pop Warner, little did he know that life was only about the get much harder.

Lalich, like his hero Jack Lambert, was accustomed to losing teeth in his early football years due to his vicious and often raucous style of play.

The mental toughness that would later show in his UVA years was constructed in searing heat as well as hurricane type storms under thundering skies while practicing and learning from Coach van Gouda at Springfield Middle School. Most of his toughness, as one might assume occurred on the field, actually came from what happened between bells during school. Teenage years can be harsh on a youth, but due to Peter being the "tall, ugly, goofy kid," puberty took it's toll twice as hard on him. At lunch he was relegated to sitting by himself or sitting with the kids that were a hodgepodgery of cracking voices, pimples, and dorkishness. Lalich decided to walk the lonely road... furthering his journey down a war beaten path.

Next came high school. Still no friends. Still no girls. Still a big ug. Peter experimented with Puka shell necklaces, neon green hat/pink shirt combos, feuax burberry sweaters pulled low, and taking pictures with his arms crossed and his greasy bangs pulled into his face. It can't really be explained in mere words. Thus, the photo journal:





It kinda makes me miss high school myself. Things changed however. Peter got a letter telling him he's got a full ride to UVA. Given natural high school social dictation, within minutes he's got everything he could ever want. Parties, chicks, etc. It doesn't matter that he's one ugly mother now. All of that goes away when ya sign with the Wahoos. Especially when you're buried on the depth chart. That's where the real action is. Simply put, Peter Lalich is the fucking man. He's the Bomb.com. Seriously.

In fact, you should friend him on facebook, immediately. The reasoning behind this is the fact that he gives almost daily inspiration in his status updates ranging from statements like "Peter... snow so white, only thing missin is 7 dwarfs" and "Peter... str8 like arm hair." I teared up when I read " Peter... I just do my pete and everytime i speak my sentences are complete LOLOLOLOL."

More so, Peter Lalich knows people. Want tickets to that Skid Row concert minutes before the show? No worries, Peter already has someone stuffing your tickets AND backstage passes in Will Call as we speak. He's got you front and back. You wanna roll with Peter to lunch? Sure thing. He'll just pick up his Kia Sorrento that the dealership lends him and be on his way over. Onward to lunch as you're further impressed that EVERYONE KNOWS PETER. Even the people at Moe's shout to him as he enters! Peter Lalich is a Campus Legend. In fact, he coined the phrase and sent it along to the NCAA football game developers, via e-mail... on his Blackberry. Stunningly, he's so amazing that he even lists Rivals.com as his personal website on facebook!

What's that? You want some beer? Oh he's got you covered man. He's got a fake that can get him in anywhere in town. No problem. Most of the times he just skips the line and goes right in without waiting or getting carded! You know why? Cause he's on the fucking football team... that's why. Just let him go in this seedy gas station and get it for you... He'll be back in two seconds with a case of warm Natty Ice that we can shotgun. *fast forward* See dude, here you go. I told you. Peter is the man. He can... dude, you've got a cop behind you and he's pulling you over. Shit. Dude, our parents are gonna be so pissed. Turns out Peter isn't the man. He's just some strange looking dude who gets drunk, shows up to your party uninvited, gropes the girls at your party, drinks your beer and eats all of your food in the fridge, passes out in a puddle of his own vomit in your front yard, and hopefully... maybe one day he might be lucky enough to have a bad acid trip and go nuts in the middle of your neighborhood street. Ah, the life of a struggling back up quarterback. This is where it begins, Peter. Please stay the course because personally, I enjoy a long drawn out downfall.

THURSDEE NEWS

MONEY MONEY MONEY DRANKIN DRANKIN DRANKIN

SI reports that Clemson and Alabama will receive nearly $2 million each for the season opener in the Georgia Dome. More importantly, beer will be sold until halftime. BEER WILL BE SOLD AT A CLEMSON GAME. EGADS.

So what will happen when the unsuspecting fan discovers he can instantly kick the action up a notch at the Dome? I like to think it'll go a little something (pause) like this:

[scene: concession stand, Georgia Dome, Aug 30, 2008]

Alabama fan: "Good sir, let me get 8 Chick-fil-A sammiches, a trash bag full of waffle fries doused in polynesian sauce, uh, and a bushel of nuggets. And take my fanny pack and fill it with honey-mustard. I also require a tankard of your finest lemonade."

Concession boy: "Ah, yes, the medium sized Friedgen Meal. Sir, we also are selling beer until halftime today."

Bamafan: (incredulous) "Wait, what the fuck did you just say to me?"

Concession boy: (takes a step back) "Uh... I said we also have beer."

Bamfan: (squinting) "Toying with my alcoholism is like toying with my emotions, Poppa Smurf. This is a college football game, we do our binge drinking before, not during."

Concession boy: "But sir, it's only 8 dollars per 16 oz cup."

Bmfin: (salivating) "Are the cups.... *gulp* are the cups flimsy?"

Concession boy: "So flimsy you can barely hold onto them."

Brmfrrn: (lip trembles) "Please tell me the beer is.. oh God.. lukewarm and watered down."

Concessions: "Indeed. Sir it's really only beer in name alone."

Brmfnnnn: SMASH GRAB DRINK PUNCH VOMIT PUNCH DRINK DRINK YELL DRINK GROPE DRINK *ding* Halftime *ding* APOLOGIZE

Much like SNL writers I don't know how to end a bit. END.

Just pour the beer into this carrying bag on a pole. No, it's not an IV drip. Do IV poles come painted crimson? Didn't think so, bub.

ACC SPORTSWRITERS HEART CLEMSON

Clemson was picked by 51 of 65 ACC media types to win the ACC Championship. 59 out of 65 picked the Tigers to win their division. 5 media members tabbed Wake to win the division. This was the first time since 1991 that the Tigers were chosen to win the league. Clemson, of course, clenched their last league crown in 1991. SPOOOOKY. The State talks about it here.

Pasty manchild and Varsity hot-dog distributor Stewart Mandel is one of the writers who picked Clemson, albiet with some strong reservations.

STACKED OFFENSE

Cullen Harper, James Davis, and CJ Spiller led preseason player of the year voting and join Aaron Kelly and Michael Hamlin on the preseason all-ACC team. The article in The State goes on to note that Coach Bowden may be prepared to move man-beast Rendrick Taylor back to WR after getting some work in the backfield.

INJURY REPORTS

The ACC will become the first CFB conference to release regular injury reports. Twice weekly, baby.

PERTINENT NOTES & NEWSIFICATION

- The Sporting Gnomes stumbled upon an article stating that the coaching staff is thinking about redshirting Rendrick Taylor (who is now a senior) so that he can get better acquainted with the runningback position he was moved to during the spring. Another main reason for the debate is that they also want to get Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper some experience as true freshmen.

- I've been getting a lot of questions and comments from friends, readers, etc. about the season ticketing and all the hullabaloo of the new seating plan. IPTAY released two major updates of information on the matter. The first was just a general Seat Equity Plan update and the latter was an update concerning the parking issues for next year.

- Cullen Harper has been put on the preseason 2008 Davey O'Brien QB Award watch list as per the article listed on the CUAD website. As you know, ESPN pulled a little trick last year that most like to call "biased journalism" as they practically ran the Heisman campaign push for Matt Ryan, the dark horse QB candidate out of Boston College even though statistically Harper was as good as Ryan, arguably holding better numbers in more categories given the different styles of offense each respective QB played in (Ok, ok, that comeback at Virginia Tech was ridiculous, but facts are facts.) There are others who speculate that Harper could be a dark horse as well. Unfortunately, as always dark horses are just that... and they never win.

- The WestZone phase II is well underway and IPTAY has been nice enough to set up a webcam for the construction site that you can find here. All kinds of options from live streaming down to refreshing every two minutes. Construction will continue through the season but shouldn't hamper any parking or pedestrian traffic. The CUAD states, "Phase II of the WestZone will include the coaches' offices, new strength and conditioning area, administrative offices, a large team room and expanded equipment room. This component of the WestZone will enable the football staff and support personnel to relocate into the WestZone and free up valuable space in McFadden for our Olympic Sports. Phase II will make a profound impact on our Total Sports Program, as the WestZone will be beneficial not only to football but to the entire department. "

- Cortney Vincent to transfer to Tarleton State after being dismissed for several reasons. Can you say DII Preseason All-American?

- I've been getting anxious about the upcoming season. Actually, I've been getting anxious about thinking about getting excited about the upcoming schedule... in the future... at a later date... on which I'm sure that my stomach will hurt. With that, I've found the 2008 Clemson Schedule widget for the Mac. Couldn't find anything for vista that didn't look completely sketched out. I did however go online and work out a pitiful little "counter until the kickoff of the Clemson/Bama game in Atlanta" that looks as if your mom or dad forwarded it to you (as well as everyone else in their address book, judging from the header) in an e-mail. Enjoy. I'm also gonna tinker with an html countdown for the sidebar if I can get one that looks good enough, but don't hold your breath.

42 MORE DAYS

THURSDAY NEWSAPALOOZA

ESPN has their Insider preview of Clemson available for free here. Go check it out. They rate Clemson as far and away the most talented Atlantic Division team and Cullen Harper, James Davis, and Aaron Kelly as the best in the conference in their respective positions. ESPN also notes that the linebackers and offensive line lack depth and chemistry at this point in time. No surprise there. The preview is wrapped up in essentially the same way every other one this preseason has been; with the caveat that Clemson has been in the position to win before and failed. Nothing is a given.

Trev Alberts, whom Sprint apparently felt was so invaluable in the world of sports punditry that they needed to independently fund him like some sort of Medici family of mediocre talking head benefactors, has some nice things to say about Clemson.

TREV

WEDNESDAY NEWSGASM

ESPN's Heather Dinich has a nice writeup of Cullen Harper on her ACC blog. The post touches on Cullen's dad Jeff's national title with Georgia in 1980 and Cullen's pursuit of a title to call his own.

According to ScoresandOdds.com, Cullen is a 20-1 shot for the Heisman.

DeAndre McDaniel was not punished by the Clemson student judicial review board last week and will remain on the team for the time being. The board did, however, retain the right to revisit his situation if new evidence is provided. His future with the team remains in limbo and will largely rest on his criminal hearing later in the year. Read about it here. Coach Bowden has shown a willingness to dismiss players who have run-ins with the law. As badly as Clemson needs McDaniel, Bowden will likely stick to form and dismiss McDaniel if he is found guilty. The biggest question mark here is what Bowden will do with McDaniel until trial.

Clemson-Bama is 52 days away but Deep South Sports proves the tat battle has already begun.

Sakerlina fans have been smearing a nasty little rumor around SC and Clemson boards as well as whatever other boards they can weasel into. Some mouthbreathers are claiming that someone - fans, boosters, or even coaches - is mailing out negative information about the Gamecocks to potential recruits. O-kay. What negative mailings are those? The South Carolina media guide? The State Newspaper? Clemson needn't spread negative publicity about Sakerlina, they do a damned good job of that by themselves. Witness a fanbase so delusional they must create boogeymen and conspiracy theories to explain to themselves why they're being outrecruited by the Tigers.

Here's the Clemson version of the localized NCAA 09 commercials. Enjoy.

Buy NCAA 09! Now with new... er.. rosters.

NEWS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

NEWS
- RAPE!... AND BUTT FUCKING!... IN GEORGIA OF ALL PLACES! Things have been desperate on their campus for so long that someone finally snapped over at Georgia Tech. Paul Johnson suspended Jerrard Tarrant from the team indefinitely. Kind of interesting that we're kind of going through the same situation, though, this one seems pretty legit. Tarrant was contending for a starting cornerback position as a redshirt freshman coming out of spring ball.

Remember to keep it suave, even in your sexual assault mugshot.

- Four players (Spiller, Davis, Harper, and Kelly) have been named to the Maxwell watch list. Clemson joins Southern Cal and Oklahoma as the top schools with candidates on the list, each having four. Ricky Sapp and Michael Hamlin have also been named to the Bednarik preseason list as well.

-All but two Clemson freshman signees have made it to campus and enrolled in second summer session. The two men down are Xavier Brewer still needs to take a summer class back home. Jared Crittenton didn't meet our standards and was released from his LOI. He has signed with Memphis.

-Kyle Parker was named to the Freshman All-American team for being a stud with a bat. Now if only he could figure out that whole defense thing, we'd be great. I'm still predicting he never plays a down of football for Clemson.

- The Deandre McDaniel's plot thickens as the women who filed the charges against him was identified as Ms. Abra Weeks. Good thing that we're not UGA or USC or the like because her getting killed by psychotic fans right now would not help Deandre at all. Bowden plays it smart and remains mum on the situation.

- Graduate Assistant Michael Morrell has been hired on as the new director of men's basketball, replacing Josh Posterino who replaced Shaka Smart who accepted a job at Florida. Here's a run down: Morrell -> Director of Men's Basketball; Posterino -> Assistant Coach; Shaka -> Gonzo to Florida; Clemson Women's Basketball -> Could still get beat by any girl's JV high school team in the upstate.

- The US Army Corps of Engineers tells their residents of Orlando "Just chill out man, it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it..." regarding bombs that they may miss during a cleanup of a one-time bombing range from WWII turned local neighborhood.

RECOMMENDATIONS

DFIG Recommends: Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka - we're not big fans of the Firefly Muscadine Vodka. Terrible. We wouldn't recommend that to anyone. We do, however, promote the sweet nectar that they bottle named Sweet Tea Vodka. We've never tasted a better liquor drink in our lives. Here's essentially all you need to do:

- Fill one glass with your preference of cubed ice.
- Fill glass 3/4 full of Fire Fly Sweet Vodka.
- Fill rest with Minute Made lemonade.

BEST. DRINK. EVER.

NEWS ON CLEMSON PLAYERS IN NFL

Summer boredom has set in with me so I did you the favor of catching up with some former Tigers in the NFL and combined some pertinent links to info on each one. As always, there is a brief smattering of videos and pretty pictures to keep you entertained.

It's kinda ironic that Chansi Stuckey and Justin Miller roomed together at Clemson. It's even quirkier that they were both drafted and retained by the New York Jets. Here's an interesting point to look forward to this season: Both are coming off season-ending injuries that happened around the same time last year. Chansi has made some news, taking every bit of free time he had from the injury to improve his game and strength. It seems he will enter the mini camps slated as the number three reciever for the team. Miller is also doing well for coming back from a knee injury, as per USA Today. He seems to be earning some favorable light after he clocked some chick in a club fight last year around this time. A site by the name of MVN has listed Justin as a make or break player for this coming year, although I'm not so sure that I'd listen to an author that looks like an internet tough guy.

Tye Hill has been mentioned very little in league news as he was also sidelined with a season-ending injury but per his website he is making a strong case to turn around a terrible Rams defensive backfield (Yet again, another author who moonlights as a human train wreck working for MVN). Bernie Miklasz, who's staff picture is worse than his last name, states in what amounted to be just a long name dropping list (so what does that make this post?) that the Rams coaches seem to be pleased with his progress through OTAs. After reading this article, I came to the conclusion that if you don't take a good picture, you should put one on your columns.

Charlie Whitehurst seems to be getting cozy on the Chargers sidelines while Anthony Waters yearns for playing time. In yet another name list from yet another hideous author (this time of the female persuasion) it is stated that Whitehurst's chances at rising through the ranks might have been killed through the signing of a three year contract extension for Billy Volek, the current #2 man at QB for the Chargers. Coaches are impressed with Waters's hard drive and eagerness to play. Also, a four game suspension for Scotty Cooper at the beginning of the year could help Anthony get on the field for the first time in his pro career. Shades of Alvin Mack... minus the not going to the pros part.

Pretty much what Anthony Waters's off-season film sessions were like.

Charles "Baby Eater" Bennett hasn't seen and probably won't see playing time... ever. But hey, at least he's in the big show, makin' his money, and had a good college career that he can reminisce about and perhaps parlay him into some airtime for Clemson football in an announcing role like Patrick Sapp did.

Also with the Bucs, Gaines Adams continues to be a beast. He has, however, discontinued beasting McDonald's Big Mac's for the time being. The Buc's coaches can't wait to get Gaines back on the field as he apparently went Steve Lattimer (I promise, that's the last Program reference for this post) with his workouts this off-season and did everything short of eating the 45 plates off of the weight racks in the Tampa Bay work out room.

I couldn't find anything on Philip Merling besides this sketchy website and the following picture of him at an OTA:


This leads me to believe that the Derrick Hamilton theory might be alive and well with a PO Box address in South Beach. Although, Jason Taylor heading out of Miami has to be good news for him in some fashion or another.

Nothing new from Leroy Hill who's playing for the Seattle Seahawks. If by nothing you mean he's still considered to be one cog in the machine of one of the leagues nastiest defenses/line backing corps. Also, apparently the weather in the PAC Northwest is much more forgiving to football players than it is in the South. Who knew, right? And yes, he still looks mean as hell.

I thought that by this point in his career, Brian Dawkins aka minor god of the safety religion, would be thinking about retirement or at least plans after football. While he is doing great things in the community that some of the leagues more established players are known for doing (see his Burn Prevention Golf Tournament as well as his fight to prevent the Beetus), he is ready to go for this upcoming season and is in better shape than he's been in previous years.

B-Dawk, always reppin' Clemson in the best ways

Lastly, Nick Eason has resigned with the Steelers, participated in a few Pittsburgh area youth football camps, and has stayed under the radar for the most part.

MCDANIEL SITUATION UPDATE

Larry Williams of the Post & Courier has an update on the DeAndre McDaniel situation and tells us that witnesses have come out in support of McDaniel. Read about it here.

DFIG RETALIATES

As you may or may not have... well... unless you troll tigerforums.net (which doesn't exist so I think he linked to Tiger Net) like your life depended on it you haven't. So let me introduce you to Third Saturday in Blogtober. Here's the skinny: Remember this picture?

Clemson recruit Kenneth Page

Well, this whole fiasco of Clemson supposedly droppin bills to get Page to come to Clemson was settled. We even talked about it here. TSIB also dropped a few notes on the story. Somehow, Clemson fans from said forum showed up months later, swamping the comments section of the post launching volleys back and forth. They emailed us and asked our opinion on their "lim'rick" (Yeah, it's spelled limerick but they're SEC fans so they probably have little to nil education past primer, possibly junior high so cut them some slack please. At least they got the format down!) Let's take a look at a few sections of said mispronounced literary piece.

Tommy Bowden’s daughter certainly is regal
And we can gawk at her now that she’s legal.
And we have, you can bet
She’s all over the Net
Apparently, Clemson’s new formation is the “spread eagle.”

Accompanying picture:

HAR HAR! Man, did you see that there? Whudda funny munkeey! Ain't no Lowren Bowdn but it made me layaf jus tha saym!

Three months ago we wrote a post
About Clemson recruiting the most
We thought it was dead
But Tigers weren’t fed
So they keep coming to irritate Ghost.

Speaking of beating the dead horse, how long ago did that Lauren Bowden picture hit the presses? Also, I'd like to submit Exhibit A into the court evidence. If you're gonna try and nail our dicks to the porch, make sure yours isn't there already, "...you're fuckin' hypocriticizers too. So shut the fuck up!" (I had to fit that reference in here somewhere... it's a slow month. But seriously, the movie wasn't half bad regardless on what everyone else in the world says).

Swinney’s recruiting magic made him adored
His skill at drawing in talent can’t be ignored
But it’s seems kinda fishy
Recruits are wipin’ with fifties
Takes me back to the days of Danny Ford.

Ok, fine, you got us there. But hey, he learned from the best, didn't he? Bama fans calling other programs out for cheating and dirty recruiting. That makes my eyes hurt so much that I can only look at my monitors for moments at a time so that my retinas won't burn off from the amazing stupidity venting off of their website. And yeah, I said monitors. Plural. That's how I roll. Two monitors. Somewhere there's a GT fan reading this who's jealous.

So, how does it feel, Tiger fans, when you hear
About the “real” Death Valley that strikes fear?
I can poke fun, you see
We’re the “other” UT
But at least our orange doesn’t look queer.

I made a few deductions at this point. We were actually the first Death Valley. LSU fans sometime later coined the phrase "Deaf Valley" because of the noise they could generate but as always with an SEC school, things got lost in translation. The author didn't do his research thus negating his argument and making him look less informed and intelligent on his subject matter. He clearly doesn't "KNOW HIS HIISSTRAY ON DUH EYESS EE SEE!" The "other" UT statement... was that a poke at us... or at Texas? Clarify this please. "But at least our orange doesn't look queer" You're right, your orange isn't even an orange. It's piss yellow in the Crayola box. Lastly, "queer" is a hefty adjective to be throwing around at someone when you're the one writing the limericks.

I ran out of steam, patience, and time for this article at this point but I did find the image of Richard Simmons dancing on the hill quite funny. Next time, do your home work and try to keep out of the cheesiness. Furthermore, your blog isn't specific enough in where your loyalties lie. Are you a Bama fan? Tennessee Fan? Bill Dance fan? Also, pretty good jarb considering that it comes from a grown man using the handle "Crimson Daddy." That reminds me, I need to register TigerDaddy69420 on tigerforums.net so I can join this epic battle of cunning smooth talk and debate. Lastly, big ups to Tide Druid for keeping it classy and targeting Tony Franklin as opposed to Clemson fans.

I threw in a winking smiley face so that Crimson Daddy knows it's all in good fun. TEE HEE.

ANALYZING EXPECTATIONS

The Sunday Morning QB has a brilliant article on the Tigers and the high expectations surrounding the team coming into the 2008 football season. I particularly like that they don't jump on the "we've heard this before" bandwagon that most mainstream outlets and blogs have hopped on when talking about the Tigers. Some ESPN pundit erroneously declares that Clemson has been picked to win the ACC for years without coming through and it suddenly becomes canon. It is true that the Tigers have underachieved in recent memory. Trust us, we know that as well as anyone, but we do refute the level of underachievement attributed to Clemson by most people. SMQB points out that the Tigers have also beaten expectations, and if anything it's bullshit to say Clemson is an underachieving team and more factual to say they are highly inconsistent. Tommy Bowden's tenure is a rollercoaster, not a slope.

NEWS NEWS AND NEWS

- As you may have noticed, our football team has been getting some pretty high pre-season rankings, most notably by ESPN (#7), The Sporting News (#8), and Athlon Sports (#10). Now there's rumor that Phil Steele has put us at #5 in his magazine which is due out June 10th. Give his website a check as he takes it back to seventh grade by releasing one team a day until the release of his magazine. Phil Steele is a complete and total douchebag for doing that. I'm sort of waiting for Sports South or FSN South to name us champions of the universe. Also, I find it cute that he ranked a Gamecock team with tons of questions for next year at #18.

- Latest Clemson news from ESPN is that Bowden and Purnell have signed contracts through 2014. They're a little late on the Purnell extension as it was reported about two weeks ago. Also, I've been try to forget about how Bowden held us hostage via the Arkansas coaching search late last year. It's a bitter pill to swallow when your school signs an extension with a coach who was actively in talks to not only jump ship but to take his entire staff with him which would have left Clemson high and dry. Thanks for bringing up the bad memories!

- The Clemson golf team lead the second round of the NCAA finals and are currently tied for second place after the third round of play. I'm not a big golf guy, but any national championship for Clemson gets me excited. Check out the final round of play here and let's hope our boys bring home one of those awkward planks of wood that is a natty. (That video browser only works in Internet Explorer 6.0 or later versions.)

Nice 'Clerks' reference, Todaro's!

VINCENT BOOTED OFF TEAM

Per The State: As expected, Cortney Vincent has been kicked off the team. Vincent violated team rules last year, got a DUI in December, and did poorly in school this past spring. This means Clemson has to replace all three starting linebackers from last year. Which is the bigger liability for 08 - our offensive line or our linebacker squad? Both units will have some talented newcomers stepping in, but the losses still hurt. Take it to the comments section.